Choice is a Superpower: Forgiveness
Forgiveness is one of the most potent of the superpowers, but most people don’t understand its power or how to wield it. It doesn’t mean ignoring or erasing the past. It doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. Forgiveness doesn’t depend on the involvement of any other person—and it doesn't mean they will remain in your presence or be a part of your future.
Forgiveness is simply acknowledging that you were injured by someone or something in the past. It’s acknowledging that you can’t change what has happened, but you stop giving your time, attention and anger to the situation. Forgiveness is a superpower that is not focused outward, but focused inward to yourself. Forgiveness is not for the other person; it is for you. When you forgive, it frees you to move forward and create the life that you want and not remain a victim to whatever harmed you. Depending on the circumstances, forgiveness could be a long process. It could involve counseling, therapy and inviting God to heal the wound. However, to activate the power of forgiveness, you have to choose to forgive.
One of my least favorite things to do as a judge was sentence people to jail. But what was even more difficult than looking someone in the eye and sentencing them to a long prison sentence, was listening to the victims of those crimes. I’ll never forget a 14-year old girl who had been repeatedly abused by the defendant. When it was her turn to tell me how the crime had impacted her, she declared boldly in front of a courtroom full of people that while she had been victimized, she was not a victim. She went on to tell me that her ‘revenge’ would be to live a great life. She told me that through participating in therapy, she had come to forgive the defendant, but that she wanted him to be held accountable. I have rarely seen this level of insight and courage from adults, let alone a 14-year-old. She understood that as long as she did not forgive, she would be stuck, forced to live as a victim. Activating the superpower of forgiveness set her free to create the life she wanted.
Presiding Action
There are several ways to determine if you have forgiven or are in the process of forgiving someone. One way is to notice how you feel when you see or hear about the person who injured you. If you feel the need to blame, bad-mouth them or tell your side of the story, then chances are you’re still in process and that’s ok. This awareness lets you know that you are headed in the right direction. Another way to know for sure that you’ve forgiven is to apply Luke 6:28, ‘Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.’ If you can sincerely pray for the one who harmed you, you are well on your way to forgiveness and healing. I have to admit, this can be challenging, but the benefits are: spiritual alignment (Matt 6:14-15), a sense of relief, reduced stress, emotional well-being, better sleep and most importantly, no longer being defined by that hurt.
